My First Shell

July 2019

My desire to journal my thoughts came at an important time in my life.  And the reason why it was an important time of my life is because I had unknowingly discovered how beneficial and freeing the art of journaling is to my well-being.  I had always been against the idea of sharing my journal in a public way but, the more I started to embrace the feeling of vulnerability as a growth opportunity, it’s led me to a more enjoyable life.  

I’m 27 years old.  If I had to go back and think of how to write a foreword based off of what I was told to do, I’d tell you about myself right now - my expertise, where I went to school, what I once did,  what I do now, etc. However, I’m not much of a believer in being told what to do, so I want to tell you what I think in this current moment. Have I experienced things? Yes. Much like you.  I’m 27 years old and everything I have done in life has led me to this exact moment. What I want to express to you, the reader, is that it doesn’t matter what I have done in order for someone to read, agree/disagree, and relate to my writings.  

The best way for me to describe my journaling practice is that of a flow state.  The hardest part of journaling, based on my own experience, is the ability to disengage my own ego and opinion from interfering.  How many times have you written something down while journaling and then scribbled it out? Why did you scribble it out? As you will see, I’ve scribbled things out as well...but I’d like to think that I was scribbling out my own biased ego rather than the truth.  The compiled writings I want to share with you is in its rawest and first formed, natural entry. I debated sharing EVERYTHING I have written and I have decided to share it all. Why?  

Two reasons:

  1. I have nothing to be ashamed about (I am a human who has struggled with my own ego).  Have I ever felt scared or ashamed of thoughts I’ve had? Absolutely. How do I feel after I write down my truthful thoughts?  Better. I’m taking proactive steps to dissolving the fear and deepening my relationship with myself. It is my responsibility to be truthful to myself at all times.

  2. I do not know what someone else may consider helpful or insightful.  I’d feel much more comfortable telling you (the reader) that I don’t expect nor do I assume you will understand (or even want to understand) some of my writings.   

For the people in my life, thank you. I love you.  I have not journaled very long and will continue to always do so.  Journaling has brought me moments of peace and a sense of seeing the beauty in all things.  I am just like you, a person. I have no skill or expertise that qualifies me to justify my thoughts as “better.”  Journaling has been so healthy for me because it allows me to center myself with truth rather than everything else.  And what journaling has shown me is the ability to understand more of myself. Does discovery of myself ever end? I hope not.

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